Do you like movies? I do. I can’t tell you how many movies I’ve seen or how many heroes and heroines I’ve cheered for.
They show us what is most admirable in ourselves: how courageous we can be, how noble we can be, or how selfless we can be.
Or hope to be. (Even if we’re not quite there yet.)
There are epic battles into which these brave characters hurl themselves with all their heart and valor.
In our love lives, we can find ourselves hurled into the middle of great battles.
We don’t like to use that term, “battle,” but at a certain point in a relationship – if the two people stick it out long enough – they may enter into a period known as, “the power struggle.” Dum, dum, dum.
And most couples, once they reach this tenuous juncture (usually soon after they have made a commitment to each other) will do one of two things: they will either say, “Thanks. No, thanks.” and leave the relationship or they will just be stuck there for next twenty years of their lives. Fights become the norm and resentment seethes.
There is another option though. It’s probably the toughest one to choose because it requires something that, although heroic, doesn’t come easy for a lot of us – selflessness.
To move beyond the power struggle with another requires a sacrifice of ego and pride.
It requires putting the other person before yourself.
This is not always an easy thing to do. There are times when your partner may say or do things that hurt your feelings. And in those times the last thing you want to do is put them before yourself.
A part of you might say, ‘Hold on. She just did this really stupid thing that made me feel crummy.’ Or, ‘He is so insensitive! Now, I’m the one who is supposed to put him before myself. Uh-uh, no way.’
Those would be totally common responses. But let’s think back a minute to our heroes.
I am a big, no HUGE fan of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. In The Return of the King, when King Theoden is rallying the troops, you see Eowyn and Merry on their steed and the king shouts, “Death! Death!” and they respond, “DEATH! DEATH!” and then they charge into battle. Wow! That moment gets me every time. Because that is the essence of sacrificing yourself to a greater cause.
If you are in love, what greater cause is there than fighting for your relationship?
So, what are some of the rewards of putting your partner first, even when you two have had a no good-rotten-very bad day together?
First, let’s change the way you’re looking at it. Instead of putting your partner first put the relationship first.
My SO and I talk about our relationship as “the third thing”: there is us and then there is this third thing that we have created called, “the relationship.”
If you put the relationship first, a few very cool things will happen for you:
You grow in your perception and understanding of your SO.
A new way of seeing and being in the world is achieved.
You become a new and better person.
And you make your relationship that much stronger!
This is when you achieve Hero status in your love life.
When you are able to put aside the fact that your SO did something that made you mad or sad or jealous and say, ‘I’m still going to show up for my relationship and do the things necessary to make it strong, you have sacrificed your pride and ego to something greater. And that something greater is the love that the two of you share.
How will you be the hero of your love life?
Share your experiences with us in comments below.
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© 2018 Tamara Jefferies.