Good Day, Dear Reader,
Today, I want to talk to you about your emotional needs. How do you get your emotional needs met? Do you feel emotionally satisfied and full? If not, what do you feel that you are in need of? If yes, how do you go about meeting your emotional needs? (Please, feel free to comment below.)
Do you experience disappointment because your emotional needs are not being met and you’ve been waiting (ever so impatiently… or not) for the people in your life to give you the emotional nurturing you long for?
What many don’t realize is that they hold within them the power to give to themselves the very things they wait for others to give them.
Say you’ve been waiting around for the person in your life to romance you; follow the advice of relationship coach, Rori Raye, and start romancing yourself. Buy yourself flowers, play your favorite music, wear something that makes you feel your best, treat yourself to your favorite luxury, or whatever it is that makes you feel romanced. And when you do these things savor the good feelings of giving to yourself and let that fill you up.
Or if it’s something else you crave like validation or affirmation, a good ol’ pat on the back for a job well down, well rather than wait for someone to dole out these appreciations, start appreciating yourself. Give yourself the dopamine surge (dopamine is a neurochemical associated with happiness) that sparks when you give yourself a high-five and think, ‘I did it!’ Tell yourself how incredible you are, what a badass you are, or how worthy, or how loveable.
You don’t have to wait for anyone to give you the kudos you crave.
Why It Works
When we were kids, if we had attentive, supportive adults in our lives, they were always on hand to congratulate every little thing we did. From mud pies to finger paintings that ended up on the fridge, we were met with, “Look what you did!” And each time that happened, your self-esteem grew, as did your sense of self-worth. Until you no longer needed them to tell you that you were wonderful because you felt that inside. Then you became your own cheerleader.
But not all of us were surrounded by such attentive and affirming adults so it can be especially hard to muster up those feelings of positive regard for ourselves.
Here’s the thing: the support your parents, caretakers, and teachers gave you was merely a proxy or substitute until you could cheer for yourself. Without even knowing it you took in their affirmations and became capable of mirroring that behavior within yourself. The downside is that if you didn’t get that you also took that in and mirrored the lack of support within yourself.
But now you have the power to take out the middle-man and give yourself those affirmations.
What’s important (most important) for you to know is that all the things you are longing for already exist within you.
It’s All Inside Of You
Remember the movie The Wizard of Oz? At the end of the movie, they meet Glinda the Good Witch and she tells them that the courage, brains, heart, and (even) home that they were searching for was inside them all along. This is the case, as silly as the example may seem, for each of us. These things we search for outside ourselves are all available inside of us.
Psychologist and author Dr. Robin (as she is known) was interviewed by Oprah as part of her Super Soul Sunday podcast. In the interview, Dr. Robin spoke about knowing yourself and affirming yourself. She remarked that people think they need all these outside affirmations but in reality, all they need are two: God’s and their own.
Now, that could prove problematic if you don’t believe in God and I will get to that later but for now, I am going to take it a step further than what she said. Because I believe God (and I use that word only because we don’t have a better one) or what I like to call The Totality or The Great Mystery (some call it Source) is all there is.
I don’t believe that I nor you are an “extension” of God. I believe that God and I and God and you are One.
God is the Totality of all there is, or put another way The Totality of Creation is all that is. (But for simplicities sake, I will just use the word God and you can replace it with whatever you connect with.)
So if you doubt your worthiness yet believe in God then let me tell you this – You and God are One and what is more worthy than God?
You are worthy. You are absolutely worthy because you are One with the Most Worthy, the Most High, the Totality.
So anything you seek outside yourself – or I should say, the seeking of anything outside yourself is a lie, it’s an illusion because you contain all things.
And now you might say, ‘But I’ve done bad things. I’ve let people down. I’ve let myself down. How can I possibly believe that I contain all things?’
The answer –
Because the force that created you is complete and whole unto itself. It expresses Itself in a multitude of forms but It is still just One entity. That entity is God, or Source, or the Totality, whatever you want to call It. And you and the Totality are One. You and God are one. The Totality includes everything and excludes nothing. But we, in our limited thinking, focus most on our shortcomings and not on our virtues.
If you spent as much time extolling your goodness as you do condemning your shortcomings you would begin to understand the profound goodness in yourself. You would start to see your talents and your brilliance.
You would also start to see the talents and brilliance in others.
No longer would you feel envy. No longer would you seek to criticize or belittle. No longer would you see someone as less than or greater than yourself.
Once you see the beauty, the grace, the goodness in yourself, you will also start to see it in others.
… and the justice. Justice seems like a strange word to include, doesn’t it? Justice? In this unjust world?
What do I mean when I speak of justice? Another word for justice is balance or things being in harmony. The symbol of justice in our society is a blindfolded female figure holding scales. The scales signify things being in balance.
Justice is simply balance, or things being in harmony. Yin and Yang. Both containing each. There is innate harmony in you, in the world, and when you see it in yourself and in the world you will no longer feel victimized. You will no longer feel a lack within yourself. This is part of feeling emotionally full.
You will see the balance inherent in all things: the times of wakefulness and the time for sleep, the time of struggle and the time of ease. There is a natural ebb and flow of life.
In the teachings of Jesus, he was asked what was the evidence of God within him and his disciples and his response was, “It is motion and rest.” He was speaking of this natural balance of existence, in which you work but you also rest.
That is the rhythm of life. And it is your task to uncover that rhythm, that harmony, within yourself.
Harmony. Balance. The equal weighing of all things.
All things are in harmony within God. And you.
You only need to let yourself see it and embrace it.
There are those who would say all you need is God or all you need is Jesus.
And if you feel that God and Jesus sustain you, then I encourage you to hold fast to them.
But I am here to tell you something else – All you need is You.
All you need is YOU.
The Big You. Your greatest YOU. The one that is identified with God. “The Lover and the Beloved are One.” Have you ever heard that? That’s what that means – God and I are One.
People seek God. Yogi Bhajan, the teacher who brought Kundalini Yoga to the States, taught that we are to make ourselves so spiritually strong that God would be forced to seek us out, to find us, and look after us. I always liked the sound of that.
Yet to me, it is as Hafiz (the great Sufi poet) wrote:
When no one is looking,
I swallow deserts and clouds
and chew on mountains
knowing they are sweet bones!
When no one is looking
and I want to kiss God,
I just lift my own hand to my mouth.
You and God are One.
And for those who don’t believe in God (I didn’t forget about you) and still want to feel this sense of Oneness, I say, all you need to do is believe in yourself. With all caps – BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. Don’t give in to negative self-talk, doubt, or despair (despair is simply forgetting or not believing that you are capable of changing your circumstance and forfeiting your power to create change. ). Believe in your own wholeness. Believe in your own goodness. Believe in your own talent to create your own destiny. Believe it until it stops feeling like belief and starts to feel like knowing. Know that you are whole and that all that IS is in You.
Don’t think it.
Don’t believe it.
~ ~ ~ ~
O.k. my friends,
Until next time, take care.
Peace unto you.
Peace in your mind.
Peace in your body.
Peace in your surroundings.
Peace to all.
May there be peace all over the world forever.
Join me next time when we will look at when it’s time to let go of certain relationships that are no longer supportive.
Ladinsky, D. (1999) The Gift: Poems by Hafiz the Great Sufi Master. New York, NY: Penguin Putman Inc.
Meyer, M. (1992) The Gospel of Thomas: The hidden sayings of Jesus. New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers.
© 2019 Tamara Jefferies.